20 Things That Happened Yesterday (Wednesday)

1. I woke up thinking it was Thursday.  And proceeded to think it was Thursday all day long.  It wasn’t.
2. I had to run two errands on opposite sides of town before going in to work.  Of course I was late.
3. I got stuck in a traffic jam on the way home.
4. Running late, but needing to change out of my dress and heels before before the bus came, I pulled on a pair of jeans that I wore a couple days ago only to find that they were tight.  What??
5. Risking a popped seam in the leg (still don’t know how you gain weight in your leg in 2 days), I wore them anyway because I didn't want to miss the bus.
6. After bus stop and hair appointment, get the boys started on homework.  The down side to letting them play first: getting them to settle down enough to do it.
7. A slight temper tantrum over the fact that we have to go get MC from her field trip and then run a couple errands, including getting crickets for the tantrum-throwing kid’s toads.  Poisonous toads.  That eat live crickets.  Why the temper tantrum?  Because it means he won’t have time to play.  Which is what he just did for 2 hours.  What????
8. The buses are late.  And we are early.  A lethal combo when both boys need to take care of business.  Much discussion rating how badly they have to go and assigning new numbers to bodily functions that will result if they don’t get to a bathroom soon.  And lots of farting.  Seriously.  Where does it all come from?  Hilarity ensues.
9. The radio volume goes up and down.  The windows go up and down (see above).  All the jamming to AC/DC (Hell’s Bells and more hilarity that there’s a curse word in the title) and fumigating causes a strain on the battery of the car, which dies.  
10. The bus still isn’t here.  
11. The bus finally arrives, as does my neighbor’s dad to jump the car.  Love him.
12. We can’t get the hood open, so I call my husband, who proceeds to ask me 1000 questions, when all I want to know is WHERE IS THE THINGY?  Because it is freezing and there are now several people helping me and I feel like an idiot and one of them (thank goodness) knows where the trunk popper is.
13. The car is started, the neighbor follows me home, but if I turn off the car, will I be able to restart it and we still have to pick up 2 prescriptions and some crickets and the kids need meds more than the toads need crickets and so I have to make a choice and I choose my children.  Also, there is a drive through at the pharmacy and not at the pet store.  Poor toads.
14. We hit the drive thru at Burger King while we’re driving through drive thrus and the speaker is malfunctioning so I cannot understand what the guy is saying and my children are screaming, individually and all together, at me to NOT forget their fries and somehow the guy can’t hear ME but he can hear MY KIDS and so suddenly I have 7 orders of fries in addition to the two fries that come with meals.  Sigh.
15. MC has a math worksheet and a social studies quiz to study for.  Who assigns a quiz and homework the DAY AFTER A FIELD TRIP?  Ugh.  At this point her concentration level is below sea level, but somehow we manage.  The boys both head to the same bathroom, scream at each other for a few minutes, which makes me scream and then they scatter to different bathrooms.  One or more toilets will be clogged in 3...2…1…
16. Having unclogged the toilet, eaten dinner and gotten through homework, I make 60 magnets to give as gifts to teachers.  I’m pretty sure Will’s PE teacher (a man) doesn’t want Christmas ball magnets, but whatever.
17. Get the kids in bed, finally.
18. Sit down with a glass of wine to watch a little TV, and the power goes out.  I sit in the dark for a while thinking it’s a momentary thing and will flicker back on.  It isn’t and doesn’t.  Fumble around for a flashlight, fumble around for batteries, fumble around for candles.  Grab my glass of wine and my flashlight and head upstairs.  Might as well read and go to bed.  But not without my relaxing much-deserved and highly anticipated glass of wine.
19. Settle in, about to wrap things up, when the lights come back on.  Whew.  But every single light in the house is on and now I have to go back downstairs and turn them all off.  Sigh.
20. Stephen walks through the door. He announces he is going to bed.  At this point, that sounds like a good idea.  I put my glass of wine back in the fridge (chugging it seems too desperate at this point although I really was looking forward to it but oh well) and head upstairs and thank the good lord this day is over.  And pray that I can face Thursday.  

Again.