When is it Time?
And how do you know?
In addition to my three human babies, we have a yellow lab. Our first child, really, as we got him as a baby and have loved him ever since. Like any child, there have been trials and tribulations. If you've ever seen Marley and Me, then you get an idea of what Churchill was like. He's been a great family dog, although he had a lot of trouble adjusting to the humans when they started coming home from the hospital. After some medication, lots of love, and a basic resignation to the fact that those squirmy little things were here to stay, he settled in to his role as family dog.
He's 13 now, and he's gotten very old in the last year. You might even say the last 6 months. He has trouble walking (arthritis and some hip dysplasia -- all too common with labs but remarkably late onset for a dog his size), sleeps most of the day and has gas. Lots and lots of gas. Lately, though, he's also been having accidents. And sometimes his legs will give out and he has to drag himself around the yard. We recently learned that was due to nerve damage in his hip. A couple months ago, he started having little accidents just trying to stand up. His back legs were working so hard to stand that he was losing control of other faculties. And now, this week, he's had an accident in the house every day, sometimes twice, even after he's been outside (if he goes outside at all). The vet gave him meds to help with the arthritis, but a side effect is diarrhea (one of the issues we're trying to combat) and they upset his stomach. He spent last night in the garage for fear of another accident after an unpleasant episode that affected the family room, dining room, kitchen and hallway of our house last night, right after he'd been outside. And hours after a similar incident that morning. This morning, he refuses to come inside. He's spent the better part of the last week hiding behind the bed in the guest room, shaking because he thinks he's in trouble, or because he doesn't understand and he's scared...I don't know which. Maybe both. He's not in trouble. Although our carpeting and rugs are taking a hit, you can't be angry with him -- he's too pathetic.
What do you do? When do you know it's time to move on and how do you know? I can't imagine our lives without him. But as his mother I see he's miserable, and scared and in pain. And I can't do anything to help. In our selfishness of not wanting to say goodbye, are we being cruel? If we decide it's that time, are we giving up too easily? I've been crying all morning, careful to wear sunglasses so Meems couldn't see me on the way to her tutor and school. She is now saying she wants to cancel a much anticipated mother/daughter outing to the American Girl store tomorrow because she's worried about him. She's afraid he'll have an accident. She's so intuitive to emotion and suffering...does she sense something?
The weekend awaits. I am hopeful that our lack of schedule will give us time to love him and the clarity to know what to do. I pray that life will get better for him with his meds, and I pray for the strength we'll need to decide what to do if it doesn't. And, in the meantime, we will love on him and cherish what we have. Because who knows how much longer we'll have it.
In addition to my three human babies, we have a yellow lab. Our first child, really, as we got him as a baby and have loved him ever since. Like any child, there have been trials and tribulations. If you've ever seen Marley and Me, then you get an idea of what Churchill was like. He's been a great family dog, although he had a lot of trouble adjusting to the humans when they started coming home from the hospital. After some medication, lots of love, and a basic resignation to the fact that those squirmy little things were here to stay, he settled in to his role as family dog.
He's 13 now, and he's gotten very old in the last year. You might even say the last 6 months. He has trouble walking (arthritis and some hip dysplasia -- all too common with labs but remarkably late onset for a dog his size), sleeps most of the day and has gas. Lots and lots of gas. Lately, though, he's also been having accidents. And sometimes his legs will give out and he has to drag himself around the yard. We recently learned that was due to nerve damage in his hip. A couple months ago, he started having little accidents just trying to stand up. His back legs were working so hard to stand that he was losing control of other faculties. And now, this week, he's had an accident in the house every day, sometimes twice, even after he's been outside (if he goes outside at all). The vet gave him meds to help with the arthritis, but a side effect is diarrhea (one of the issues we're trying to combat) and they upset his stomach. He spent last night in the garage for fear of another accident after an unpleasant episode that affected the family room, dining room, kitchen and hallway of our house last night, right after he'd been outside. And hours after a similar incident that morning. This morning, he refuses to come inside. He's spent the better part of the last week hiding behind the bed in the guest room, shaking because he thinks he's in trouble, or because he doesn't understand and he's scared...I don't know which. Maybe both. He's not in trouble. Although our carpeting and rugs are taking a hit, you can't be angry with him -- he's too pathetic.
What do you do? When do you know it's time to move on and how do you know? I can't imagine our lives without him. But as his mother I see he's miserable, and scared and in pain. And I can't do anything to help. In our selfishness of not wanting to say goodbye, are we being cruel? If we decide it's that time, are we giving up too easily? I've been crying all morning, careful to wear sunglasses so Meems couldn't see me on the way to her tutor and school. She is now saying she wants to cancel a much anticipated mother/daughter outing to the American Girl store tomorrow because she's worried about him. She's afraid he'll have an accident. She's so intuitive to emotion and suffering...does she sense something?
The weekend awaits. I am hopeful that our lack of schedule will give us time to love him and the clarity to know what to do. I pray that life will get better for him with his meds, and I pray for the strength we'll need to decide what to do if it doesn't. And, in the meantime, we will love on him and cherish what we have. Because who knows how much longer we'll have it.
Comments
My hope is that you all are able to cherish time together this weekend. It will not be easy. . . but it is important. Our sweet vet made a plaster mold of Zack's paw and we smile each time we see it b/c we know that Zack is in a much better place in heaven. Thinking of you and here if you need to talk . . . you can always call.
Thank you for your thoughts. I hope you and your family are well. I can't believe our little boys who played together are so old now! Miss those playdate days!